I’m Fine

There’s nothing whatever the matter with me,
I’m just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both my knees,
And when I talk I talk with a wheeze.
Still it’s better to say with a grin
I’m fine,
Than to explain the shape I’m in.
When I was young my slippers were red,
I could kick right over my head.
A little older my slippers were blue,
And I could dance the whole night through.
Now I’m old my slippers are black,
I walk to the corner and puff my way back.
Old age is golden we heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder as I go to bed.
My hair on the dresser, my teeth in a cup,
My eye-glasses on the table till I get up.
And I say to myself,
“Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?”
Now I know my youth has been spent,
“Cause my get up and go got up and went.
I’m on a diet, I’m fat, can’t get thin,
Still I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.