I’m living in a world that makes little sense to me.
It always seems to rain the hardest on the ones who deserve the sun.
Life can be cruel, life can sometimes be down right crappy.
No, I wasn’t always like this – lacking common sense or looking like I’m insane.

Where does one draw the line on subordination?
Does rank, authority and power always have the final words over the underdog?
Even if the missed used power leads to sexual harassment, sexual assault or rape.
I was left with words I could not speak hidden behind my lips due to threats involving the rank card being pulled.

I can barely begin to tell you how much this so called man ruined my heart and soul.
Crushed my hopes and dreams and purely stole my life.
I was truly horrified, scared to death, and embarrassed beyond words.
These surprising turn of events altered my life forever.

I’m going to open pandora’s box of horrors filled with memories I fear and hate the most.
I could feel a tightening inside of me as the sergeant’s wicked fingers crawled slowly up my spine, digging into every vertebrae.
As he feels his manhood come to life he made his filthy move on me.
He thrusts himself into me and the pain riles through me – it pierces through my heart like an arrow, I could feel his heart beating so fast I even..gagged at the smell of his cigarette breath.

I was nothing to him but another notch on his belt, it was a crime of appetite.
He’s standing there so proud of himself with that crocodile smile on his face.
My failure in following his every command left me severely wounded and conquered.
It puzzles me to picture him as a human being, h is mean, spiteful, heartless and cruel.

I feel enormous guilt and misery.
That day has haunted me for so long, pieces of him are forever tattooed in my mind
I double over with such pain when the reality sunk in, “I’ve been RAPED!!”
Sedate me, tranquilize me, knock me out, put m to sleep or tell me it’s a bad dream.
Then wake me up…. Somebody HELP Me!!!

Everything is so sketchy, he locked me to a ball and chain.
He drained me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Success is failure turned inside out.
I’ve been lied to, used, stabbed in the back and walked on for the very last time!!!

So many people pity us or blame us now those are hard pills to swallow.
So, here I go again, confetti of emotions squish my mind all at once.
It’s gonna take all I have to be forgiving and merciful, mercy urges us not to hold grudges,
But I’m here to say that it’s a very hard thing to even consider let alone do.

Genuine heartfelt true forgiveness may not always happen at once.
The decisions I was forced to make I wish I could take back.
But that’s behind me now so I have to stop looking back at that life that no longer exists.
I have learned to stop breathing life back into my past life.

The pain and suffering we feel is a process that is a very slow recovery.
Take control and believe in yourself!
And little by little stepping back from your past and making the right changes for the better will over time add up to your new and better life and a much better you!

Stop being treated as rubbish.
You have to be like a chameleon to adapt to the changes and challenges that life throws at us.
I can now tear every chain that man wrapped around me…FREEDOM!!
I broke the spell that held me for so long.

Small achievements have fueled my desire that exists within me to want more and move on.
I see my potential and I want to succeed and prosper.
Our future will someday seem bright when the past no longer haunts us..
Best Antidepressant Ever!!!

Life might get a little out of focus but I’ve grown to value and treasure it.
Thank You Dr. Jump for the therapy and time for taking this squeezed heart of mine
And expanding it to hold love, compassion, respect, caring, empathy and sympathy.
Forgiveness is still in a work in progress, it’s a gnawing issue that eats at my insides.
Forgiveness isn’t just difficult it’s impossible at least on one’s own.

I do wish I could say I forgive him but regretfully I can not at this time.
I am consumed by all that he took form me and knowing I’ll never get it back!
I just don’t have it in me to let him off the hook so easily, I thought I knew him but I didn’t.
His selfishness, ignorance and mockery put me into a trance bedeviled by regret and resentment.

It’s not up to me to change anyone nor for them to change me but merely to accept them as they are.
It’s essential that you free yourself quickly because you must emerge from the conflict if you want peace in your mind.
Your conscience is the key to your happiness, there is no limit on what the mind is capable of thinking.

My perception is my choice it’s not a factual thought, misperceptions produce fear.
Your emotions respond to what your mind perceives.
Pleas remember only your mind can produce fear.
Nothing can hurt you unless you give it the power to do so.

Don’t allow the negative feelings to creep into your consciousness.
Put a positive spin on your every thought.
May every day of your life bring you fresh hope for tomorrow
because hope gives all of us our reason for getting up each day and trying.