SUCIDE AND THE MIND





My house is not a home,



to many obstacles have turned my whole world upside down.



The load is to heavy for me to be here alone,



but I have pushed my family and friends away !





My nights are long, I find myself with my M16 shooting into a village,



their blood is on my hands,



The days are lonely, I’m left with echoes of screams in my head,



so many everywhere, dead people of all ages the scene is etched in my mind forever.





The crickets sound also takes me back to that jungle,



the moonlight squints through me bedroon blinds like the jungle coverage around me.



Reality is becoming harder and harder to deal with,



but one thing is foresure I lay here in my bed contemplating suicide I





Here I am sitting here with all these thoughts running around in my mind,



make it stop please, make my mind calm and stop thinking.



God how I want it to end right here right now,



the pain and agony is eating me from the inside out.





I just can’t face another day with these same stale fears,









suicide,  just the mention of the word sends chills down my spine.



I’m talking about taking your own life,



when the demon sits on your shoulder and tells you there is no reason to live,







no one cares





There are so many ways to take the easy way out,



when you think about your shot gun…too messy, the knife, yes it’s quiet but again messy.



Than your eyes focus on the pool, zip tie your hands and feet and roll youself into the pool,



clean, true but there is also the pills they are clean but they  could be painfull.





Seeing death as your only way out you see the pool as your only escape from hell,



I am here right this moment facing my biggest fear.



My life seems to be falling apart,



in the back of my mind I’m trying to convince myself that my family still loves me.





My body feels numb with so much pain and sorrow,



it’s so hard to see any kind of hope for tomorrow.



There are plenty of cuts and scars that I just can’t feel anything,



first my faith and hope slowly slip away,





Next my will and meaning will disapear,



my spirit has already been broken.







My soul is hurting beyond my control and it’s time I must shut that door,



the door that separates me from you all !!!



It all came down to the dirty old rusty knife.



he slowly slumps and lies in a pool of his own blood.



22 Military Personal Commit Suicide Each And  Every Day !!!!!!!!!