I’d like to tell you about my girlfriend.  It’s a story I enjoy telling, and generally will do so at the drop of a hat.  I’ve known her for nearly 20 years, so I feel eminently qualified to tell the story.  As I sit here, I am 8 years old, by grace of God.  I get the impression, although I could be wrong, that most people my age have settled into their dotage, and if they’re blessed with a relationship that provided affection, support, affirmation and an occasional boot in the posterior, we can fairly assume that the ‘lust’ phase has long since ended.  I could very well be wrong and surely accept the fact that there are notable exceptions.  But my assumption and observation is that most people my age have settled into the ‘comfort’ phase with the object of their affections.  I would feel bad, in direct proportion to my affection for my friends, for those who don’t experience the comfort a relationship should provide.

It wasn’t always this way.  I realized early on that we hd precious little in common.  To wit, I used to view myself as Type A, as did all too many of my co-workers, until I met my girlfriend.  She leaves me in the dust when it comes to taking action in just about any set of circumstances.  I’m fond of saying that the only things I understand in my advanced years is sports; she, as well as the women I’ve married in my life, doesn’t know a football from a hockey puck.  If there’s a museum to visit, a concert in town, any of many sources of entertainment I want to be there.  As an example, my favorite place on earth is Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry.  It pains me that I’ll probably never see it again.  Coincidentally, Tampa Bay has a Museum of Science and Industry, and I’ve never visited it.  In my 365+ days of being a Floridian, I have wanted to see, well, Florida.  Thanks to my son, I did get to visit the Everglades, but it mostly involved sitting on a tram since I was having trouble walking.  I’ve been in our swimming pool once and never to one of our wonderful beaches.  Not complaining, really.  Just reporting.  Well, alright, complaining too.  She is better attuned to staying home.

One of the big benefits of retirement is the ability to see my girlfriend frequently.  Even just sitting and watching a movie on TV is exciting.  Candidly, I get excited every time she walks into the room.  Hardly the stuff of people’s stereotypes of those of us ‘of a certain age.’  I know she doesn’t understand this, or even appreciate it.  She’d be much happier with less expressions of affection.  But my modus operandi, my very DNA, doesn’t seem to allow me to fail to express my thought.  Maybe when I’m older.

You’re probably asking, how do I get away with seeing my girlfriend as often as I do?  What does my wife have to say about this?  That’s one of the most beneficial aspects of my relationship with my girlfriend.  My wife is well aware of my relationship.  She’s been fully aware of it for many years.  Depending on her current mood, she’s more or less on board with my love affair.  Most of the time she’s fully on board with the situation.  Lucky me.

I often wonder what I have done to create this situation.  Surely I am not being rewarded based on my checkered past.  And I’m told by all the people involved in this circumstance that I tend to live in the past.  So I’ll fast forward to the present.  I’m blessed with great family and friends, even my girlfriend.  Also, with my departed parents, aunts and uncles.  My cousins are the only family I have left, but the friends to whom I am not related provide the aforementioned support, understanding and care.  Again, lucky me.

But no doubt by now, you have guessed my secret.  My girlfriend and my wife are one an the same.  Glad you paid some attention to the man behind the curtain.  We were married 16 years ago at the Kane County Courthouse in Geneva, Illinois.  For the third and last time.

… Lucky me.