Walk in the Dark



I am proud to have served my country. I would serve my country again if called. I had just turned 19 when the call came for service. Went to training for 11 Bravo (infantry)  California. Sent to Vietnam, arrived 14 July 1969. I felt the heat and the smell, oh my god the smell.



I was taken to the unit were I was assigned (1st Infantry Division, Big Red 1). 1 week orientation then out to (FSB) Normandy111. Day one was my intro to C-Rations as the newbie, lima beans was on the menu.  My first ride on a chopper took 20 minutes from take off to the LZ (Landing Zone) it felt like only minute. The bird never touched down, we just jumped and headed for the bush, all 7 of us. I remember asking myself “ where the hell is everyone, “why are there only 7of us”?

We walked in patrol formation down a small trail for a few minutes (however long it took us to go 150 to 200 yards. Suddenly gun fire all over the place, I hit the ground peered

into the bush for a few seconds. A body landed next to me. It was an enemy soldier. His face, no more than a foot from mine. Our eyes locked as I saw life leave his body. To this day I can still see him staring at me, its as if he wants to talk to me. The fire fight ended just like it started spontaneously. We checked to see if anyone else in our squad was hit, no! all clear. We continued our mission. We moved on and left him lying in the bush. I just couldn’t make myself look back at him. There wasn’t time for human emotions. I had to learn how to suppress those basic human emotions deep inside. Soldiers in combat don’t show human emotions. I left those human emotions in the bush in Vietnam.



After the ten day operation we went to Headquarters area and it hit me, how in the hell did a gook get so damn close to me? Who was watching my back? The more I thought about that situation in the bush the anger built. How can I ever trust someone to watch my back? That gook got way to close to me. However, I am glad someone shot him in the back. From that time on , I trusted no one. This lack of trust has taken its toll my life. I spend a lot of time alone, distant from others  for the past 50 plus years. I will help you, but it is hard for me to trust anyone. I have very few friends and my family stays away because I’m to dogmatic.



Late at night he (that dead enemy Vietnamese soldier) walks into my bedroom. He awakens me. I walk to another room never turning on the light. I hope at times to speak to him, knowing deep down I can’t. I take a sip of water and try to fall back asleep but sleep rarely comes immediately.



I have found peace in helping other vets with their struggles. I know my God helps me through this struggle so I could help my brothers find peace. The Lord is my peace and when I am down He is there to hold me. I was called to do what I do. I never wanted anything to do with helping others. But now, I love it so, to the point that I hurt when it seems that I have failed to reach my brother that is hurting.



Scout 69