ME – In Private



I wanted to show how invisible wounds can hurt just as much, if not more, than physical wounds.  From what I allowed people to see, they would think I was the picture-perfect example of physical, emotional & mental well-being, always smiling, with a sparkle in my eyes, rosy red cheeks, always put together, like a beautiful gift with a nice big bow to top it off.  However, on the inside, I was a prisoner of my own mind, paralyzed with self-doubt, shame, guilt, disgust, just to name a few.  My traumas lived deep within my soul; they fed off each other like a virus.  I was tormented and suffocating in my own body.  They were eating me alive.  I wanted to create something where I could show how deep, ugly and debilitating these invisible wounds can be.  They destroy everything from your mind, body, soul, innocence, joy, hopes, dreams, confidence, self-worth, faith…basically, they destroy your life.

For ME – In Private, I used several colors to represent my invisible wounds, what I hid from the public.  The colors are my life, my traumas, my invisible wounds, my truth. Red: Shame and Chaos, Black: Destruction, Gray: Loneliness and Emptiness, Dark Blue: Sadness and Isolation, Dark Yellow: Depression and Love Self Esteem, Green: Guilt and Disgust. I constantly felt like my head was going to explode from all the negative thoughts and emotions, there was always a dark cloud over me.  The wheels are the negative thoughts continually grinding, getting stuck on repeat, the chain and lock represent being a prisoner of my own mind.   I was a wild tornado inside with shame, guilt, disgust, unworthiness, being unlovable, being broken, being insecure, just swirling around making me so dizzy. The mirrors in my eyes represent what I saw looking back at me when I looked in the mirror, the non-stop salty tears running down my cheeks, the zipper on my mouth is because I had no voice, when I tried to use it, it was ignored, challenged and/or dismissed, so I kept it zipped since no one was listening anyway. The pieces of glass are the shattered parts of me, my innocence, heart, body, soul, spirit, faith, hope and dreams, and the puzzle pieces are a reminder that I am not whole, pieces of me were stolen and I fear I will never have unity, harmony and peace within myself.