While celebrating my fortieth wedding anniversary, my oldest daughter asked me for any marital advice I might have gleaned through the years. We had been discussing how my wife had single-handedly raised her and her sister while I was gone on my many deployments.

I said, “My steep learning curve started on the first day of our honeymoon, on the slopes of Colorado. When my bride fell off the T-bar, this accident kicked off a series of other honeymoon mishaps. You might not know what a T-bar is since only a few of the most rustic skiing outfits use them now. A T-bar requires two people to half-squat on either side of an uncomfortable metal bar that’s shaped like a T. The T-bar is attached to a cable that pulls the skiers up the mountain. There is no lifting or sitting like you would if you were on a regular ski lift. Your skis never leave the snow.

“I got off the T-bar when my wife fell, realizing I would have to be an accomplished acrobat to stay on that antiquated rig without a counterbalance. I began to wonder if I had made a mistake in buying the cheaper skiing packet. Places with modern ski lifts were more expensive. I kept my concerns to myself. No need to bring up how my thriftiness had backfired. Luckily, a ski patrol dude came by and helped my bride get back down the mountain. That tumble really rattled her for the rest of the day.

“I, on the other hand, felt pretty smug about how I had not made one disparaging remark about my bride not mastering the T-bar. That smugness about what a great guy I was evaporated when she accused me of flirting with some college girls at the lodge. In my mind, I wasn’t flirting. I was being my affable self. Instead of arguing with her, I stormed out of our cabin feeling completely bewildered. I thought we were supposed to be lovey-dovey on our honeymoon.

“After walking about half a football field from our cabin, I sat down on a snowbank. I had a lot of thinking to do. First of all, I regretted ever getting married. Second of all, I seriously contemplated throwing my wedding ring away. Third of all, I noticed that I was shaking violently, not from anger but from the penetrating cold of the Colorado mountains in the middle of winter. I had left our cabin in such a funk I hadn’t bothered putting on anything except my thin cotton pajamas.

“As I descended into hypothermia, I had a moment of clarity, which I understand happens when people are actively dying. A voice as clear as a bell started arguing with me, ‘You shouldn’t tell your wife that she had flirted with the handsome ski patrol guy, that is, if you ever see her again in this life.’ 

“Hmm,” I said, “I hadn’t thought of that. They did seem awfully chummy when I met them at the base of the mountain.”

“The voice tried again to talk some sense into me as I transitioned to the great beyond, ‘So what if you have a similar accusation you could toss back at her? What good is that going to do you now that you are freezing to death? If she ever figures out that you skimped on the ski package, you’ll definitely be in more hot water.’ ”  “This conversation went on for a while.”

“Luckily, my new bride came out to look for me. Maybe she wanted to avoid answering any nosey questions from the police like, ‘Why did your newly married and poorly dressed husband freeze to death only 50 yards from your cabin?’ 

“Through chattering teeth, I apologized for my flirtations with the coquettish coeds. My wife volunteered, without any prompting from me, that she had ‘sort of’ flirted with the ski patrol guy. The evening ended with us patching up our shockingly shaky marriage.

“As we were getting ready to leave the mountains of Colorado, I had a conversation with an older gentleman and learned that he and his wife had just celebrated their golden wedding anniversary. I asked that kind soul for any marital advice he might have, much as my daughter would ask me 40 years into the future. He said, ‘Never let the sun set on your anger.’

“The older gentleman’s advice has rung true through the years. If my wife and I can summon the courage to make a sharp turn toward forgiveness instead of barreling down in an avalanche of anger, then we stand a pretty good chance of gliding gently toward a decent night’s sleep. I would like nothing better than to celebrate my golden anniversary with my golden girl. For that to happen, we realize that we have to navigate the marriage moguls as a team, and, last but not least, avoid flirting, unless it’s with each other, of course.

“In my second month of marriage 
I learned…”