Hi, I'm Kimmer.



I'd like to share my story with you.



I am from a broken family, and I used to get beaten with an extension cord and thrown out of the house a lot. I lived in a foster home during my senior year of high school. I am a suicide survivor and a survivor of attempted suicides. 



I am an Army Veteran.  I realized I was having different feelings about myself while in basic training.  I began to feel ashamed, alone, guilty, and dirty from actions forced upon me by a male drill sgt. There was nothing I could do at the time because he threatened my life by telling me that my body would never be found as he had his hand around my throat choking me. I began drinking a lot of Bourbon.



A year following, a female had forced herself upon me.  Again, there was nothing I could do, I was gay, and the Army was hunting people like me to discharge dishonorably.  Plus, I was in love with her. I began abusing Bourbon.



While stationed in Germany just mere hours after talking to my mother and telling her I was never coming home, that I was going to reenlist, I was told that she had killed herself.  I felt guilty, I was





angry, and I began hating myself.  I was sent home and later honorably discharged on a hardship.  I had begun to drink Bourbon full time.



I was 22 when I ran away from home because my stepdad forgot that I was his stepdaughter and began treating me as his wife.  I didn't know anyone besides the bikers I was hanging out with at the bars, so I ended up homeless living on the streets in Cincinnati.  Once in a while, the bikers would offer me a place to stay so I could clean up and pass out in safety.



Months later a male biker offered me to stay at his place so I could have a safe place to live.  And for 10 years it worked out.  I had gained employment which meant that I had money to pay for my Bourbon & drugs.  He and I became really good friends, until he started demanding benefits.  I found the strength to throw him out of the house that we were renting.  



I had met a female at work who was gay, an Army Veteran, and a drug user.  And we became good friends, she is still my best friend now for 36 years.   I started dating her ex, she moved in with me.  My abuse of Bourbon became worse to where it took over my life.  I began to be violent and taking out my guilt, my anger, and frustrations out on her and over the years it had progressed until 24 Dec. 2020, when I was going to commit murder/suicide.  I shot out through the bedroom window and handed her my gun, hoping she would kill me. 





But she didn't because she honestly loved me.



While at the VA for an appointment, I reached out for help.  A therapist responded and we talked for well over an hour.  I felt very comfortable with her and for the first time ever, I was able to tell her everything.  She made the determination that I could go back home after confessing my story including hitting my rock bottom hard and deep.



I asked the therapist if she could take me on as her patient.  See, I began therapy years ago in 1997.  But never felt comfortable with anyone enough to tell them my complete story.  We had an appointment for the following week.  



I told her that I would no longer abuse Bourbon and would quit.  So, after my 47-year affair with Bourbon I quit cold turkey.   Cindy, my therapist let me know that that wasn't a good thing to do and sent me to the ER.  I must have passed their tests because hours later they released me to go home.  



In the 16 months of being in therapy with Cindy, I had accomplished so much...I got my blood sugar from 12 to a 5.4, I lost weight and stopped smoking. I fell back in love with my wife, we have been together now for 33 years.  Since I opened up completely and honestly with Cindy my entire outlook on life had changed, I wanted to live, I no longer wanted to die. 





I began writing about my traumas, my life, and how it felt so different and good!  



Before she retired, she told me that she had handpicked a new therapist for me and asked if she could join in a couple of sessions with us so we could get to know one another.  I agreed.  I felt as though I liked her and that we would be able to work together.  Yes, I was sad about Cindy retiring, but instead of letting it eat me up, I looked at it as though it was another lesson she was teaching me.  That loss wasn't always a bad thing, that I could move forward without substances.  That I could rely on my strengths, my courage, myself, and to continue to grow, flourish and love my new life's journey, which I now call my healing avenue!



I had also found an online Peer Support group that I was attending up to 7 groups a week.  At that time, it was all men.  Yes, men!  I opened up finally and they accepted me as I was.  This was major growth because I had become very anti-man.



So, with my new therapist Nicole, I have grown even more.  I have written and published 3 books about my life, traumas, and being on my healing avenue.  I have been on 3 podcasts talking about my traumas and bringing MST to the frontlines, with another one scheduled for next week.  I have had a song written about my life.  I facilitate 3 groups now online. 



I have been Bourbon free now for 3 years come this May! 



My relationship with my wife has blossomed and my outlook on life is unbelievable!   I continue to grow!!!



I know that at times I struggle, I still fight my demons, that my life is still a battlefield, but I push forward getting stronger, and more comfortable of being me!!!  I will not surrender to my enemies including myself!!!



Life is a challenge and beautiful at the same time!  I realize that I couldn't have reached this point without help, therapy, my support team, and love.  But it is me that works hard at it every day and I love myself for it.