Arboreal emperor, defiler of potted plant.
 
Gymnastic champion, poacher of fruit.
 
YouTube celebrity, mutilator of turf.
 
Leafy builder, destroyer of lawn chair.
 
Tree planter, shredder of electric cable.
 
Fearless climber, burglar of bird feeder.
 
Prescient harvester, invader of attic.
 
Step into my trap so I might
introduce you to new admirers.