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By Lynn A. Norton

--Leawood, KS

We’re going out of business!

Everything must go. Incredible selection while supplies last.

Act now and receive a valuable gift. Ask for our colorful

brochure. We will not be undersold. No coupons accepted

for clearance items. Allow thirty days for delivery.

Today only. Don’t miss out! 

For a limited time, fifty percent off retail prices. Not a penny

more. Volume discounts for qualified buyers. Don’t settle

for less. Try it before you buy it. No reasonable offer

refused. Get a full refund if not completely satisfied.

Guaranteed to last a lifetime!

You will be amazed. It slices, dices, lengthens, strengthens,

lifts and separates, melts inches off waist, hips and thighs,

removes unwanted facial hair, finds your missing socks,

comes in all colors. Easy assembly instructions.

Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations.

New and improved, organic, non-toxic, safe around children

and pets, natural ingredients, no artificial colors. It cleans,

disinfects, sanitizes, moisturizes, kills viruses on contact,

eliminates odors, makes glass seem to disappear.

It’s the only product you will ever need.