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By John Bradley

VA Medical Facility—Nashville, TN

Oh, come all ye children,

Trusting and compliant, 

Oh, come ye! Oh, come ye! 

To McDuffyland! 

It’s by far number one, 

None other can compare 

To McDuffyland’s dominant market share 

Or its profit-to-earnings ratio 

That’s extra-ordinare! 

Come ye all and patronize him! 

Come ye all, idolize him! 

Come ye all and subsidize him! 

Come ye all, enrich him! 

McDuffyland, king-o-peace and trans-fat grease! 

Oh, sing ye choirs of parents, 

McDuffyland serves what’s best for kids to eat! 

Though non-nutritious, it tastes delicious!

Priced so low, it’s ridiculous! 

Each McDuffyland is color coordinated, 

Spiffy, clean, neat, ideal surroundings

For serving an artery-clogging greasy treat! 

Every triple-decker is packed

With pre-measured amounts of sugar, salt and fat,

Artistically blended with chemically enhanced meats! 

Oh, come all ye children to gluttony! 

Smiling, laughing happily as you eat yourselves to obesity! 

Generous McDuffyland includes a toy for you,

Even exotic-sounding salmonella, Shiga toxins, 

E. coli bacteria for a select few!

Oh, parents and children, ye all know 

Santa came but one day each year,

But now that one day plus 364 more. 

McDuffyland, the beloved, is open and very near!

Oh, come ye!